My Experience With Depression & Healing a Broken Heart
In my experience with depression, I became angry with myself because I could not come to terms with my breakup and move forward. Day after day, the sadness hovered and interfered with my mental clarity. I refused to think of myself as mentally weak, and I was too embarrassed to reveal to my friends and family that I continued to be troubled about a relationship that had ended years ago.
The effects of the split upset me deeply. Uncomfortable emotions surfaced and lingered that I did not want to deal with. So, I spent a lot of time running away from my true feelings and hoped that one day time would make my inner struggles disappear. Until then, I took sleeping pills and kept myself busy to escape the pain of my aching heart.
Every area of my life was unbalanced! It was difficult for me to work, sleep, eat, interact with others, or care for myself. Nothing was enjoyable anymore, and I lost the desire to live. Nonetheless, I still refused to think of myself as mentally unstable! Learn more about the stages of grief here.
Journal Entry
…Today, I lost a tooth. It has been loose for a while now, but I have been too scared to pull it. Well, when I bit into my sandwich, I heard my tooth crack, and part of it came out in my sandwich. Dag! I know my mother is rolling over in her grave because I have a cavity! My teeth were perfect, but not now. That’s what I get. Not brushing or flossing my teeth has finally caught up with me. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I’m so tired…
Cont’d
Because I was self-medicating, my mental state was not improving. It was time to dig deeper and get honest with myself. Deep inside, I have always known myself to be overly emotional and allowed my feelings to rule me. I swallowed my pride and accepted that my condition was valid. Desperately, I searched for a way to help myself before I accidentally overdosed.
I hit the internet and read a zillion articles about how to heal a broken heart. They all suggested that I take a good, long look at ‘me’ and seek within to find the real reason I was so unhappy. Since all of my previous efforts to heal my heavy heart failed, I took their advice and hired a therapist. I was tired of hurting! Accepting and admitting to myself that I had a problem I could not manage on my own was the starting point of my self-healing journey.