Healthy Grieving Bootcamp Step: 2
Have you ever committed to someone who broke their promise to you? You were all in, but it was easy for them move on, leaving you wounded and alone. Relationships take hard work to maintain and are painful to let go. Even though the relationship has ended, grieving the loss and reaching closure may not happen immediately.
Stuck on a Past Love
Being stuck on a past love means your heart, mind, or body have not fully released the emotional attachment. It’s like your heart didn’t get the memo that it’s over. You think about what happened, what you could’ve done differently, or how it use to feel.
Although the relationship is over, it is still active in your mind. Even if you don’t want them back, your emotions still react to the thought of them. Being stuck on a past love doesn’t always mean you still want the person. It often means:
- You’re attached to how they made you feel
- You’re grieving what could have been
- Or the relationship activated a deeper wound (like rejection, abandonment, or unworthiness)
My Battle With Being Stuck On a Past Love
After the breakup, my ex was constantly on my mind, and I believed she would miss me and realize how wrong she was. In the past, if I left her, she always came back to me. She always chose me. It became a habit. Are you hoping and waiting for an ex to return new and improved so you can live happily ever after? If so, keep reading and reconsider your fantasy. Learn more about my grieving process here.
When my partner and I split, it left a hollow space in my heart. I had to tolerate a constant heaviness in the middle of my chest and an inner feeling of emptiness that reminded me of my loss every second of the day. To help myself feel better and try to rebuild a new life, I attempted the following:
- Read self-help articles
- Called the crisis hotline many times a day.
- Begged God to take the pain away.
- Tried to reconcile with my ex.
- Talked to my friends about my pain over and over.
- Tried to date again.
- Received acupuncture treatmenst.
- Isolated from others
- Joined a sports community.
- Attended a weekend meditation retreat.
- Hired a therapist.
- Took sleeping pills to numb the pain.
I tried my best to fill the gap of nothingness in my heart, but all the above intentions failed. My sadness increased, and my mental state gradually worsened. Years had passed since the breakup and I was still in pain like it just happened. All of my other breakups were a piece of cake. Not this one. Because the pain was so intense, eventually, I reached out for help. Not from another person, but from the divine. I was at the end of my rope. To save my life, I surrendered to God.
Signs You’re Stuck on a Past Love
Here are some signs that you have not let go of someone who has withdrawn from you:
You keep going over conversations, memories, and “what went wrong.” Not to learn, but to relive. You are not remembering, you are mentally staying connected.
No one measures up. Or worse, you’re not even giving new people a fair chance because your heart is still saying: “They were the one.”.
Looking at their social media, wondering who they’re with or what they are doing… hoping for updates. Even if you don’t reach out, part of you is still watching and waiting.
You imagine them coming back, apologizing, or things finally working out. This keeps you emotionally tied to a future that isn’t real right now.
Hearing their name, a song, a place that suddenly makes your mood shift. That’s a sign the emotional bond is still active in your nervous system.
You may say it’s over… but deep down, you’re still holding on to hope, what if, or unfinished business. Acceptance hasn’t fully landed yet.
You’re not moving forward emotionally. You feel paused, heavy, or blocked. That’s because part of your heart is still attached to the past instead of free in the present.
The gentle truth is, all hearts break. They are meant to… that’s how they open. So, being stuck doesn’t mean you’re weak. You loved deeply. But, your healing requires a shift from ‘holding on’ to ‘releasing’ with intention.
How I Healed From Being Stuck On a Past Love
Growing up, my family was Methodist. My religion taught me to believe that there is a God and a Devil. God lives in heaven, and He does ‘good.’ The Devil lives in hell, and He does ‘bad.’ For my soul to go to heaven and live beyond my earthly days, I must be baptized and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord & Savior. I did it at age 14. But as I got older, I became too busy to participate in church functions or take time out for my spirituality. I only prayed to God when something was wrong in my life. So, let’s say I put God on the back burner.
While exploring ways to mend my broken heart, I often came across these statements:
- “God is love”
- Love comes from within
- God’s love heals
I wondered where ‘within’ was inside me and questioned how God’s love felt. So, I spent a lot of time thinking about the truth in those statements and tried to apply it to my situation. I finally put two and two together. If God is love and His love heals, then the love within me (that I give to others) is of God and that love can heal me. So the solution to heal my broken heart was to discover and recognize God’s love in me. And how did I do that? I developed a relationship with my higher power, as I promised at age 14.
I prayed asking the Holy Spirit to fill my heart. And, I also researched ways to nurture the soul. The main things I practiced were journaling, gratitude and meditation. I even read two books of the Bible, Job and Matthew. Little by little, the pressure in my chest lightened. And now looking back, I realize that aching sensation in the middle of my chest was my soul trying to get my attention to tell me what was missing – not my ex, but divine connection.
For Your Healn’
There’s the mess we create, and then there are the lessons that life throws at us. We are here to learn; unfortunately, God teaches us through pain. As harsh as it may seem, we are still responsible for healing from the trauma. Determining how to overcome is half of the battle.
If you are a believer, you know God is the author of our lives. What is meant to be…will be, whether we like it or not. Resistance only slows the process. Trust that everything happens for a reason, and within that reason, you will one day see the purpose. Find God’s love within you to become whole and feel inner happiness. Your healing doesn’t stop here...this is just the beginning.
How To Let Go
Step 2 is not just about saying the words, it is more about shifting how you see yourself, your pain, and your control. Follow these steps to let go and let God:
1. Accept that your way isn’t working (right now).
This step starts with honesty.
You’re not broken, but the way you’ve been trying to fix things (overthinking, chasing, controlling, isolating, numbing) isn’t bringing peace.
Admitting this opens the door to something new: “What I’ve been doing hasn’t restored my peace… I need help beyond me.”
2. Define what “a power greater than you” means to you.
It does not have to be religious, unless you want it to be. For you, it could be:
- God
- The Holy Spirit / divine love
- The truth of healing and growth
- The universe’s order
- Even the wisdom inside you that you’ve been ignoring
The key is this: It’s something wiser, calmer, and more whole than your current emotional state.
3. Start leaning on that power in real moments.
This is where it becomes real and not theory. When you feel:
- overwhelmed
- stuck on a past love
- anxious or spiraling
Pause and shift: “I don’t have to figure this out alone. Help me see this differently. You’re practicing trust instead of control.
4. Let go of needing immediate answers.
“Restore our sanity” doesn’t mean instant clarity. It means:
- your thoughts begin to settle
- your emotions stop running your life
- you respond instead of react
Sanity = peace + mindset + emotional balance
5. Watch for small evidence of change.
Restoration happens quietly at first. You might notice:
- You don’t check their social media as much
- You feel a little lighter one day
- You choose yourself in a moment you normally wouldn’t
That’s the power working.
6. Speak it—even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Faith grows through repetition. Try:
“I believe something greater than me can heal this.”
“I’m open to being restored.”
“I don’t have to stay like this.”
This step is powerful because it shifts you from trying to fix yourself to allowing yourself to be healed. It’s the moment you realize that you don’t have to carry this pain alone and stay stuck in it.
Continue Your Healing Journey
Be sure to check out:
- The next step of your healing journey – Step 3: Giving Your Life to God Takes 2 Actions: Surrender and Obedience
- Review Step 1: Depression: 3 Shocking Truths About Healing a Broken Heart
- The Heartbreak Tour – A 7-article series showing how I, personally, experienced depression and the stages of grieving loss.
- Join our She Healn’ Community for support, journaling prompts, and guidance.
