Written by: Danielle Nutter
Anger
Have you ever committed to someone who broke their promise to you? Were you loyal to the relationship, but your partner did not return the same respect and devotion? Did you find yourself constantly forgiving their wrongdoings, hoping they would change? How about serving their needs before your own because you enjoyed seeing them happy? Think back. Were you loving them or acting in fear to avoid losing them?
My Experience With Anger
I was so determined to have love in my life that I ignored the red flags in my partner, hoping she would become the person I wanted her to be. I kept trusting in her words and disregarded her actions, which were the opposite. To prolong our union, I gave up the things I desired to satisfy her wants.
The excuse I made up in my head to justify staying with her was that I wanted to make our connection unique and memorable so that she would not need anyone else other than me. But in reality, it takes two to make that happen. When things were not going well, she looked for others to find happiness. Shortly after our split, she continued with another girlfriend, got a higher-paying job, bought a brand-new sports car, and started hanging out with a fresh set of friends. A new life just fell into her lap, and that pissed me off!
Why was I so mad? I should have been celebrating my freedom! Instead, I felt:
- Furious: She repeatedly lied to me and promised she would change to be a better partner but bailed on me to be happy with someone else!
- Defeated: I could not fix us. I am usually good at finding solutions. But everything I tried to keep us together failed.
- Punished: God/Angels/Universe sent me a horrible lesson to learn and made me suffer, but they helped her move on. Why not help me?
- Embarrassed: To others, I appeared mentally ill, weak, and broken. I could not put the past behind me, and my friends constantly told me to let it go.
- Disgusted: I was mad at myself for being so needy and desperate during our time together.
- Mistreated: I did not deserve this karma. I treated my ex well. Why was my fate so harsh?
HEAL’N TEES
Stage 3: Anger
After the breakup, you may feel:
- Abandoned by your ex because they left you even though you treated them well
- Undeserving of the circumstance and wondering why me
- Spiritually neglected by your Lord & Savior for ignoring your prayers to alleviate the pain
- Annoyed by the physical pain and repetitive thoughts that will not go away
- Disappointed in yourself for being so reckless
- Bitter at mutual friends because they still talk to and support your ex
- Impatient with yourself for not being able to get over the loss when you think you should
- Resentful at the world because everybody else seems to be happy with their loved one
Heal’n Practices
Anger is a normal feeling and can be positively used to help you identify and work through your inner troubles. Some ways to develop your inner being and transform your anger are:
1. Cardio exercise (vigorous walking, kickboxing, etc.) Engaging in any activity that makes you breathe fast and hard will help expel and release the negative energy inside, leaving you refreshed, open, and feeling lighter.
2. Scream. Place your face in a pillow or go to a secluded area and yell at the top of your lungs! Get it out! Say aloud the things that are hurting you. Curse or say truthful words about the person or thing that hurt you. Do it repeatedly until you feel exhausted!
3. Throw something. Ball up a pair of socks. Get a roll of toilet paper. Throw it against the wall or at a self-made target of the person or their action that hurt you.
4. When you experience anger, sit in silence and ask yourself questions to find out what triggers it and the possible reason you feel the way you do.
5. Pray to surrender your ill feelings and allow karma to take care of it.
Remember For Your Heal’n
If you love, you will grieve. And when you lose it, you may feel like you cannot live without that person. But knowing and understanding that a broken heart is the soul’s cry for self-love, your focus will change from the pain you are feeling to healing and improving yourself through spirit. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. You are your responsibility. Take advantage of the lesson so you do not repeat the same actions!