Healthy Grieving Bootcamp Step: 1
A broken heart creates a void. The void can be filled with despair which leads to depression or with reflection and spiritual growth which leads to healing. A broken heart is the wound, and depression is what happens when it is untreated.
Understanding Depression
Depression doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something in you is hurting and hasn’t been fully faced. Depression can cause sadness to linger affecting how you feel, think and function. People experience depression in different ways, but some common inner experiences include:
- Emotional numbness (not just sadness, but feeling nothing)
- Mental heaviness (lie everything takes effort)
- Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
- Shame or self-blame (“something is wrong with me”)
- Feeling stuck in the past (espeially after heartbreak
Depression is often not just chemical, it’s connected to unresolved emotional pain.
Depression and Healing a Broken Heart
Depression and a broken heart are deeply connected. When you lose someone, it activates deep emotional pain. That emotional state can lead to sadness that lingers, emotional numbness, and loss of identity and purpose. Here’s why…
When you fall in love, your brain releases ‘feel good’ hormones. You become addicted to the good feelings. When the connection is gone, your brain goes into withdrawal, similar to addiction. This can cause symptoms related to depression like, cravings for the person, obsessive thoughts, low energy, or feeling empty.
But a broken heart doesn’t just hurt emotionally, it can also change how you see yourself. You may begin to doubt your value, feel abandoned and rejected. And replay thoughts in your mind like, “I wasn’t good enough,” or “I will never love again.” These thoughts are traits of depression and deepen the emotional wound instead of healing it.
My Battle With Depression
In my experience with depression, I became angry with myself because I could not come to terms with my breakup and move forward. Day after day, the sadness hovered and interfered with my mental clarity. I refused to think of myself as mentally weak, and I was too embarrassed to reveal to my friends and family that I continued to be troubled about a relationship that had ended years ago.
The effects of the split upset me deeply. Uncomfortable emotions surfaced and lingered that I did not want to deal with. So, I spent a lot of time running away from my true feelings and hoped that one day time would make my inner struggles disappear. Until then, I took sleeping pills and kept myself busy to escape the pain of my aching heart.
Every area of my life was unbalanced! It was difficult for me to work, sleep, eat, interact with others, or care for myself. Nothing was enjoyable anymore, and I lost the desire to live. Nonetheless, I still refused to think of myself as mentally unstable! Learn more about the stages of grief here.
Healing My Depression
Because I was self-medicating, my mental state was not improving. It was time to dig deeper and get honest with myself. Deep inside, I have always known myself to be overly emotional and allowed my feelings to rule me. I swallowed my pride and accepted that my condition was valid. Desperately, I searched for a way to help myself before I accidentally overdosed.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
I hit the internet and read a zillion articles about how to heal a broken heart. They all suggested that I take a good, long look at ‘me’ and seek within to find the real reason I was so unhappy. Since all of my previous efforts to heal my heavy heart failed, I took their advice and hired a therapist. I was tired of hurting! Accepting and admitting to myself that I had a problem I could not manage on my own was the starting point of my self-healing journey.
For Your Healn’
Depression is what happens when pain is buried. Healing happens when pain is faced. Before you can repair any issue with your deep-rooted self, you must admit that a part of you needs your full attention. Otherwise, if you avoid it or look for fault in others, healing will not occur.
Take some time away from all the distractions in your life and spend time alone to identify what needs mending. Be gentle with yourself and commit to your healing. If you have experienced any of the above symptoms of depression, here are three powerful truths about depression and healing a broken heart that will help you begin your healing journey.
1. Depression Is Often Unprocessed Pain, Not Weakness
- Rejection
- Abandonment
- Betrayal
When those wounds are ignored or suppressed, they don’t disappear, they sink deeper and show up as depression. Remember you are not weak, you are wounded and wounds can heal. Learn more about the7 main wounds that break you heart here.
2. You Can’t Heal What You Keep Avoiding
One of the biggest mistakes is trying to move on too fast. Avoidance looks like:
- Staying busy to not feel.
- Jumping into another relationship.
- Pretending to be okay.
Healing begins when you stop running from the pain. The way to begin repairing your broken heart is to:
- Feeling the pain.
- Be hones with yourself.
- Sit with the truth of what happened.
3. Healing rebuilds “you”, not just your heart
You’re not just healing your heart, you are becoming a new version of you. Letting go of who you were to become who you are meant to be. True healing means:
- Rebuilding your self-worth.
- Learning to love yourself again.
- Strengthening your relationship with God.
A broken heart isn’t just about losing someone. It is about rediscovering yourself. To help you uncover what needs to be faced, download Step 1 mini worksheet, Facing the Truth.
Continue Your Healn’ Journey
Be sure to check out:
- Step 2: 7 Signs You’re Still Stuck on a Past Love (And How to Let Go)
- The Heartbreak Tour – A 7-article series showing how I, personally, experienced depression and the stages of grieving loss.
- Join our She Healn’ Community for support, journaling prompts, and guidance.
A broken heart creates emotional wounds like:
- The pain lasts for weeks or months without relief.
- You lose interest in things you once loved.
- You feel hopeless or stuck.
- You isolate yourself.
Heartbreak can also disrupt your body and daily life. It can affect your sleep, energy level, appetite, and focus. These are all symptoms of depression. Not every broken heart turns into depression, but it can when: