Healthy Grieving Bootcamp Step: 4
Everyone’s purpose on Earth is to evolve into something. To grow, we must go through an array of ebbs and flows that will guide us to adapt and mature. Some believe that our journey has already been established by the divine and there are predetermined experiences we will go through no matter what, while others believe that the decisions we make create every aspect of our reality.
Self-Acceptance and Relationships
Whether in control or not, we are simply a connected collection of human beings wandering around Earth searching for happiness through our relationships. And that happiness relies on either changing our circumstances or ourselves.
But who needs to change, them or you? When things don’t go your way, do you blame someone else or you do look internally? Is there a possibility that your choices have broken your own heart? Some times it is hard to recognize our imperfections and even harder to accept the way we are. If you have found yourself chasing others to be loved and to feel happy, continue reading.
My Battle With Self-Acceptance
As an adult, I chased the things that made me happy. The only way I knew how to bring joy into my life was to attach to another. Nothing felt better to me than receiving someone else’s affection. It made me feel good inside and gave me the strength to handle whatever life dealt me. But unfortunately, because of my dependence, when one relationship ended, I began another. I immediately moved forward by replacing the old with the new, without even considering that I may be responsible for why my unions weren’t working out. And because of that, I had no inner drive to self-improve.
Then, one day, inevitably, my luck ran out! Relationship number five ended, and I was left empty, alone, and broken. I knew it was time to face my problem, plus I gave up believing there was a Mrs. Right just for me! Repeatedly losing love forced me to finally examine and own up to my needy actions and behaviors.
Healn’ My Path to Self-Acceptance
Deep down inside, I always knew I could not spend the rest of my life chasing people and expecting them to love me. Between my breakups and new hook-ups, I purposely tried to be happy by myself. However, I was unsuccessful because the loneliness was too unbearable. I knew someday I would, again, be faced with the dilemma of loving someone else or choosing me.
This time, I was determined to learn how to create my own inner happiness because I never wanted to rely on someone else to be responsible for my joy. To make improvements, I first had to figure out what I needed to change so that I wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes over again. In my journal, I made a list of my strengths and weakness. Below I highlighted in red the top four things I thought, if changed, would help me become whole and create inner happiness.
| Personal Inventory |
|---|
| 1. I work a lot to pay bills and buy material things. |
| 2. I don’t have any spirituality in my life. I only pray when things go wrong. |
| 3. I busy myself by constantly doing something or talking with others. |
| 4. I chase and attach to others to feel loved and accepted, too hasty with commitment. |
| 5. I make current lovers jealous of past lovers to let them know if they won’t – another will. |
| 6. I choose to give love to someone else rather than love myself. |
| 7. I purposely flirt with others to make my partner jealous. The more jealous, the more they love me. |
| 8. I hit when I am triggered. I am guilty of hitting my partner out of anger. |
For Your Healn’
We cannot escape the struggles and storms that enter our lives. Many of the lessons we learn are through our relationships. Ignoring the teachings will only cause the situation to repeat again and again until we figure it out. If you notice a problem that keeps repeating itself, then it is time to take a look.
Becoming aware of your faults may be a painful process. Still, it is necessary to acknowledge your flaws to get to the root of your problems. It will help you discover your truths and develop healthy attitudes and beliefs. But before you can heal, you have to know what to fix. Regularly take a personal inventory of your strengths and weaknesses. It will help you to learn and become your authentic self.
Self-acceptance is one of those things that can heal your relationships but also expose what isn’t healthy. So yes, it can help and hurt at the same time. Let’s take a look:
How Self-Acceptance Can Hurt Relationships
1. You Stop Tolerating What You Used To
- When you accept yourself, your standards rise.
- You no longer accept disrespect, neglect, or emotional inconsistency.
- You start feeling and saying, “This doesn’t feel right anymore.
That can create conflict, especially with people who benefited from the old version of you.
2. People May Feel Threatened By Your Growth
- Not everyone grows with you.
- Your confidence can trigger their insecurity.
- Your boundaries can feel like rejection to them.
Some relationships feel strained because they were built on you being smaller, quieter, or more accommodating.
3. You Set Boundaries. Not Everyone Likes That
- Self-acceptance teaches you, “I matter to.” So, people may call you selfish.
- You may feel guilt at first because your feelings are valid.
This is often where relationships either evolve or fall apart.
4. You May Outgrow Certain Relationships
- Some connections were built on trauma, validation, or neediness.
- When you heal, the connection can feel different.
How Self-Acceptance Can Help Relationships
1. You Show Up More Authentically
- No more pretending. No more performing.
- You say what you feel.
- You stop hiding parts of yourself
This creates real, deeper, connection.
2. You Stop Seeking Constant Validation
- When you accept yourself, you don’t need someone else to complete you.
- You’re not chasing approval or reassurance.
This removes pressure from the relationship and makes it healthier.
3. Your Communication Improves
Instead of reacting from insecurity you:
- Speak with clarity.
- Express needs without fear.
- Listen without defensiveness.
Self-acceptance creates emotional maturity.
4. You Attract Healthier Relationships
You begin to align with people that:
- Respect you.
- Value you.
- Meet you at your level.
Because you’re no longer accepting less than what you deserve.
5. You Love Without Losing Yourself
- You can love deeply without abandoning yourself.
- You don’t shrink to keep someone.
This is the transformation. That’s where real peace lies. Self-acceptance will either deepen your relationships or reveal the ones that were never built on truth.
Continue Your Healn’ Journey
- Your next step – Step 5: Hiding Past Mistakes: 3 Ways to Tell the Truth For Personal Growth
- Review last step – Step 3: Giving Your Life to God Takes 2 Actions: Courage and Faith
- The Heartbreak Tour – A 7-article series showing how I, personally, experienced depression and the stages of grieving loss.
- Join our She Healn’ Community for support, journaling prompts, and guidance.
