Written by: Danielle Nutter
Pain & Fear
Relationships begin with an intent to commit and stay together. However, we all have a path, and sometimes the union is not meant to travel on the same road as one, forever. Sadly, when the inevitable happens, losing an intimate companion can be life-changing. The change can cause physical discomfort and uncontrollable emotions to surface, making it difficult to carry out daily tasks. Let us explore ways to calm the inner burn from your loss and keep your mindset positive and hopeful.
My Experience With Pain & Fear
Whenever my ex and I went through one of our routine breakups, I experienced heavy pressure in the middle of my chest that felt like my heart was split wide open. The longer we stayed apart, the more intense the feeling became. I could not eat, sleep, or focus because I constantly thought about where she was and what she was doing without me. I equated that inner empty feeling to being incomplete. So, to feel better, I repeatedly accepted her apology and tried to work it out.
Whenever we made up, the profound aching pain shifted to a warm, soothing sensation that made me happy. Therefore, I held on to her to avoid being without love. To keep the peace, I did not complain or nag. I kept my mouth shut, even when she did something wrong. Our breakups became more frequent, leading to the final split. The last time we broke up, I honestly tried to let go, but the pain in my chest was unbearable, so I gave in. I reached out and asked her if we could meet. She agreed. While in her presence, I could tell she did not love me the same because when we hugged, she did not hold me tight. Instead, she lightly patted my back and barely made eye contact. She also seemed anxious to get our conversation over, like she wanted to be elsewhere. Seeing her actions with my own eyes let me know that it was time for me to release my unhealthy attachment and face my biggest fear — being alone!
Walking into a new season of life by myself was scary. My mind kept playing tricks on me, telling me that I would never find love again, that there was nobody else in the world for me, and to never trust or open my heart to anyone ever again. Further, to add to my pain, my friends would tell me when they saw my ex around town with another girl. The last thing my heart could take was seeing her happy with someone else. I avoided going places we used to go and was hesitant to talk with mutual friends because I was afraid they might bring her name or relay news I did not want to hear. I went into my shell and detached from the outside world.
Stage 2: Pain & Fear
After the breakup, you may experience:
Physical Pain
- Chest pressure
- Fatigue
- Loss of appetite
- Irregular sleep
- Headaches & body pains
- Mind fog
Emotional Fear
- Fear of never finding love or being happy again.
- Fear of being abandoned and avoid starting new relationships.
- Fear of not knowing the future. What will my life be like by myself?
- Fear of change. I am used to being with my ex. I do not know how to be with someone else.
Heal’n Practices
Ways to develop your inner being:
1. Channel your feelings through physical activity. Yoga, running, walking, or martial arts can spark your brain to release feel-good chemicals that can help ease discomfort and uplift your mood.
2. Saying short positive statements called affirmations can help create a positive mindset and naturally move you toward peace and happiness.
3. Listen to binaural beats as a form of sound therapy. The tones vibrate at different frequencies to communicate with the brain to help reduce stress and anxiety and improve mood. They can be listened to with headphones anytime when you are feeling down. They are also great to listen to during meditation or before going to sleep.
Remember For Your Heal’n
Losing love is hard, and adapting to a new life without that special someone can be challenging. The key to moving forward is to discover ways to manage your internal pain and reduce self-doubt. Continually remind yourself that the pain of your aching heart will one day ease. And with practice, you can replace negative thoughts with self-confidence and learn ways to bring personal joy into your life.