Written by: Danielle Nutter
Depression
Love makes the world go round. It is in the air, our dreams and genetic makeup. The powerful feeling of receiving or giving love is the foundation of our beliefs, actions, and well-being. Because of its natural healing abilities, we all crave and chase it to relieve our pain. But what happens when we do not have the love we desire?
My Experience With Depression
I went through many breakups before experiencing my first broken heart. It is surprising to me why this particular connection caused so much grief because, in my prior relationships, it was easy to walk away when it was over. But when relationship number five ended and our souls separated, my heart seeped all the love she gave me, and like never before, I deeply mourned her absence.
My reasons and purpose for living ceased. I had to adapt to not texting or talking to my other half on my cell phone throughout the day. There were no more morning kisses or have a good day text messages. My bed was too big, and I had a choice to sleep on either side (I slept on hers for months). Her favorite body wash was no longer hanging in the shower. The refrigerator was empty without her snacks, and I had to buy groceries and cook for myself. Weekend game nights came to an end. I always lost anyway. I could never beat her at Connect Four. The living room floor was clear of her dog’s toys, and I missed how she parked her car in the driveway. A few pieces of her mail occasionally came to the house. And during the winter months, I no longer had a snow tubing partner. Goodbye, movie buddy, and I had one less present to wrap for Christmas.
All the things that annoyed me about her, I desperately wanted back again. I did not know what to do with myself. Every morning, I woke up to an empty heart, house, and life. The silence of being alone constantly filled me with sadness and fed my feelings of brokenness. Not having a reason to do anything began to take a toll on me. It seemed like my mind and body were in the twilight zone. I could not bring myself to do anything but lay in bed. Some nights, I took sleeping pills to go to sleep because my mind kept racing and repeating hurtful thoughts of her. I went days without brushing my teeth, showering, or even combing my hair. Nothing seemed to be important to me. I felt hopeless, and I did not want to continue living without her.
HEAL’N TEES
Stage 6: Depression
After the breakup, you may experience the following:
Physically
- Pressure or heaviness in the chest
- Lack of sleep
- Irregular appetite
- Mood swings
Emotionally
- Extreme sadness.
- Hopelessness
- Thoughts of suicide
- Uncontrollable crying
Mentally
- Lack of concentration
- Repeated negative thoughts
- Brain fog
Spiritually
- Angry with God for taking the person you love away.
Socially
- Lack or loss of interest in activities that used to bring you joy
- Social isolation and inverting into your shell
Heal’n Practices
Ways to develop your inner being:
Physically — Accept your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. Also, avoid caffeine and energy drinks. They cause restlessness, nervousness, and increased heart rate. To help rest at bedtime, eat foods and beverages that will relax you, like chamomile tea or a melatonin supplement.
Emotionally — Develop self-awareness and identify the things that bring you joy besides the presence of the one you love. Consider volunteering your free time to be a blessing to someone so that you may increase your self-worth. *Note: When I felt troubled, I called the suicide hotline numerous times a day/night to talk with someone who helped me find a reason to live.
Mentally — Whenever you feel like crying-cry! Crying cleanses the soul. Let the pain out through your tears. Listen to music or binaural beats that can help change your mood and play cognitive brain games, word searches, coloring, or memory-matching activities to occupy your mind.
Spiritually — Practice saying statements of gratitude. Each time your ex pops up in your mind, instead of concentrating on the loss, think or say aloud, I am thankful for…, and give an example of something worthwhile in your life. The draining thoughts will reduce in time.
Pray for strength to endure and release the pain of your loss. Find ways to nurture your soul so you can discover God’s love. Being connected to the divine is more rewarding than human love and will help you better understand the blessing of experiencing loss. *Disclosure: you can seek God, but know He will reveal Himself to you at the right time, not yours.
Socially — The goal is to replace outside love with inner love so that no matter what, you can always count on yourself for your joy and happiness. But until you learn to balance the two, stay connected! Join a support group and see how strangers are dealing with the same obstacles you are. It is also a great idea to keep the company of your family and friends you trust to help you through your tough times. Get a hobby! Create something beautiful.
Remember For Your Heal’n
Even though loss is a part of life, adjusting to the absence of someone you built your life around is difficult. It changes your reality! The grieving and mourning stages that you may go through have no estimated length of time. The key to healthy healing is to view your depression as a learning experience to find your authentic self. Your reason for sadness is all about you, not them.