After my breakup, my ex consumed my thoughts. I convinced myself she would eventually realize what she had lost and come back. In the past, whenever we separated, she always returned, so waiting became my way of coping.
Every love song reminded me of her. Seeing her name or hearing it spoken by others brought back memories. The vivid dreams I had of us together made me hold on. All of the signs led me to believe the universe was confirming she would come back.
Journal Entry
“OMG! Three times today I heard my ex’s name. Signs of her are everywhere. How can I move on if I’m constantly being reminded of her? Could this be the universe telling me she’s coming back?”
Looking back, I wasn’t searching for signs that she would return. I was searching for hope. I simply didn’t know where to find it.
Everything I Tried to Heal
When the relationship ended, it left a heaviness in my chest that never seemed to disappear. I tried to distract myself by doing all of the following:
Read self-help books
Tried dating again
Isolated myself
Attended a meditation retreat
Called a crisis hotline
Joined a sports community
Tried to reconcile with my ex
Received acupuncture treatments
Hired a therapist
Talked endlessly to my friends about the breakup
Begged God to take the pain away
Took sleeping pills to escape the pain
I tried my best to fill the gap of nothingness in my heart, but all the above intentions failed. My sadness increased, and my mental state gradually worsened. Years had passed since the breakup and I was still in pain like it just happened.
All of my other breakups were a piece of cake. Not this one. Because the pain was so intense, I reached out for help.
Not from another person, but from the divine. I was at the end of my rope. To save my life, I surrendered to God. I realized I couldn’t keep searching for healing in the same places that had tried before.
The Moment I Believed Healing Was Possible
While searching for ways to mend my broken heart, I often came across the concepts:
*God is love.
*Love comes from within.
*God’s love heals.
I began asking myself: where within was inside me and questioned how God’s love felt. So, I spent a lot of time thinking about the truth in those statements and tried to apply it to my situation.
I finally put two and two together. If God is love, and His love heals, then the love I had been searching for already exists within me. At that a-ha moment, I realized that I required divine intervention and that aching sensation in the middle of my chest was my soul trying to get my attention.
From that point : * I prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill my heart. * I journaled. * I practiced gratitude. * I read the Bible – books of Job and Matthew.
Little by little, the pressure in my chest became lighter. Peace slowly replaced panic. And I began to think that there was a purpose for my heart to break.
Looking back, I now realize the emptiness inside me wasn’t my heart longing for my ex. It was my soul longing for a deeper relationship with God.
