Written by: Danielle Nutter
Guilt
When someone believes they have said or done something wrong against their moral standards, they may experience feelings of remorse. Those feelings can cause a sense of uneasiness and trigger an apology or an excuse to justify their behavior. How much comfort can the words “I’m sorry” or “I won’t do it again” bring to someone you have hurt?
My Experience With Guilt
When I reminisce about what my ex and I fought about, I wish I would have reacted differently. There were occasions when I got so upset that I said harsh words and even put my hands on her. Looking back, I am disappointed I didn’t just walk away and allow her to have the last word.
I regret purposely not giving her affection or love when she did not meet my conditions. It was my way of punishing her when she didn’t give me what I wanted. She was a social butterfly and thrived off of attention. She enjoyed going to happy hour with coworkers and regularly hanging out with friends. On the other hand, I was a homebody and constantly waited for her to come home. If she put me first above her friends, I gave her the affection she craved, but when I felt like I was second, I was distant, quiet, and unavailable to her. I am ashamed that I did not accept her the way she was. As a result of my insecurity and manipulative moods, we missed out on experiencing lots of joy and good times.
HEAL’N TEES
Stage 5: Guilt
After the breakup, you may experience:
- Negative self-talk. Telling yourself, “It is all my fault, or I should have known better.”
- Self-judgment or guilt. You may act defensive or distant to protect your self-worth because you feel embarrassed about your behavior and fear others might find out.
- Harbor feelings of remorse. Holding on to things you cannot change can increase inner tension and cause physical discomfort.
- Indecisiveness. In fear of making another mistake, you might be afraid to make decisions.
Heal’n Practices
Some ways to develop your inner being and to temporarily cope and eventually unload your conscience from feeling fault, practice the following:
- Self-forgiveness. You can’t change the past. Analyze and learn from your misconduct. Move forward and make efforts not to repeat.
- Make amends with the person you harmed by expressing your remorse for your past action(s).
- Do something good. Good deeds will help offset the emotional discomfort and help you feel better about being a blessing to someone else.
Remember For Your Heal’n
Sometimes we do good things, and sometimes not so good. Now and then, our behavior upsets someone else, causing us to feel bad. Because there is no way to reverse what has already happened or erase the effects of our misbehavior, the only way to fix it is to accept responsibility for our wrongs and emotionally release it. We cannot live our lives in the past or put the needs of others before our own. We can learn from past events and allow our future actions to reflect growth and maturity from our previous mistakes.