Written by: Danielle Nutter
Denial/Shock
We all have experienced loss many times in our lives, whether it was losing a favorite toy as a toddler, saying goodbye to a childhood friend who moved away, parting from our first puppy love, getting fired from a job, burying a pet, a decline in health, separating from a spouse or withstanding the passing of a family member. Loss is unavoidable, and how we react to it cannot be predicted.
Our body has a natural defense mechanism that protects us from severe emotional and physical trauma. The natural shield may block the initial jolt until we are in a state to receive the change.
My Experience With Denial/Shock
We met, fell in love, and decided to commit. We exchanged our most intimate thoughts and became comfortable with each other. Our connection was deep, and I believed we would be together forever. With my hand in hers, we moved into a cozy rancher and settled into many seasons of good times and tears. Life was good!
Years later, we began to argue more often and went through a series of breakups and make-ups. Directly after our make-ups, we got along great and were loving and gentle toward each other. Eventually, the same problems resurfaced, and we would break up again. An hourglass would best describe our good times together. When the sand ran out, so did our patience and ability to get along.
We spent a lot of time apart during the breakups to see who would give in and apologize first. She always did. I may have overused the threat of leaving the relationship to manipulate her into doing what I wanted because my absence brought out her vulnerable side. When she expressed her love for me, it reassured me that she wanted us to be together. And one day, after a routine argument, she told me she was unhappy.
That was the last time that we broke up! She did not try to compromise with me or fight for our relationship. Instead, a couple of weeks later, she started a new life with someone else! She gave up on us?! But she always loved, needed, and chased me! I could not believe that she no longer wanted to love me.
Stage 1: Denial/Shock
After the breakup, you may experience any of the following:
- An initial reaction of shock, surprise, or disbelief
- Numbness or no immediate feelings.
- Intense or escalated emotions, like a racing heart, decreased appetite, vomiting, or difficulty sleeping.
- The effects may vary based on your past experiences of loss.
- You may remain in this stage for a brief period or weeks.
A broken heart is renowned for its power to humble and connect man with his Creator. The healing practices listed below will be the foundation to rebuild your heart and learn to love yourself as much as you are willing to love someone else.
Heal’n Practices
Ways to develop your inner being:
1. Prayer
There will come a time when you will be unable to bounce back or escape unexpected struggles and will need to rely on divine help to get through. When you find yourself stuck or unable to move forward, it is a sure sign that you are going through this sorrow for a reason. Make it a habit to talk with your Lord & Savior to receive guidance and reassurance that everything will turn out for your good.
Example prayer: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
2. Meditation
It can help calm and clear your mind of the recurring sad thoughts that keep repeating, causing you to relive the ache of your broken heart. It will also enable you to hear your inner voice of reason, pointing you in the right direction and escort you down your path.
3. Journaling
Writing is a wonderful way to get what is inside — out! Your journal will be a great listener. It will not interrupt or give you unsympathetic advice and tell you to get over it! The pages are your friend and will keep your most intimate thoughts a secret. The entries can be reread, and you can see your progress on your healing journey.
Remember For Your Heal’n
Losing someone that you care deeply for can bring about a great deal of pain. Trying to process the new change and keep your sanity can also be challenging. As you undergo healing your heartache, go within to identify how you broke your own heart through your choices and behaviors. We all respond to loss differently and heal with no specific timeline. Be patient and nurture yourself as you begin the stages of transformation.